Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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