Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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