i can't believe i had my finger in that
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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