Your dad touched me again.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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