she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
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