Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
