Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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