what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
