If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
