Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
