The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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