if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Randomize
