:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
