is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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