My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
