A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
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