I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
