he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
