I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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