Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
