All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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