so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
