Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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