Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
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