I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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