im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
