life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
