I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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