Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
