glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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