I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
