you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
NoShamevember. You game?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
