Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
