i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
