I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
