i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
