Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
