I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
