She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
