so that wasnt chicken after all
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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