I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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