Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
