i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize