Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
