That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
