4 words: hood of his car
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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