Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I will pee on everything he values.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
