I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We need to get me chipped asap
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
