i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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