apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
this hospital has no fireball
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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