I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
