need another drink. this is the easiest way
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
