And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
He kissed a someone with a penis
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
