kristin has been a bad kristin
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
