What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
