Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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