I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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