it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
