i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
