so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
