just tell him i said nine months
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
