So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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