There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
