I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
