The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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