What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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