actually, I'm a sock model
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
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