I must be too annoying 4 u.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
