kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
