my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
