Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
